Thu, 19 May 2005

Nobote
“the last thing I wanted to do today was have a conversation with some entity of perpetual identity crisis.” -dls

In 1997 I was associated into the Fraternal Order of the Butcher-Surgeons in the steam tunnels beneath Hawkeye Community College, which is how I first came into contact with one Dr. Hern of Leipsic, one-time associate to Ambrose Bierce. The good doctor informed me that this world is filled with “dark pits” into which people may fall and never be seen again. At the time I thought little of it, but as of late those words have come back to me, often in the walking dream, which I have had every night since the new year.

In the walking dream I am walking with a real person, who I will herein call The First Principle, and we walk for days and days and say nothing. It is not an uncomfortable silence. There was much talking before, and will be much talking again, and now there is nothing to say. Then she turns a little, turns back to look at me over her shoulder, and follows a different line out away from me, into the fields. Days pass, and sometimes I think I see The First Principle out on the horizon, beside the grain silos and radio towers, but it is too far, and I cannot be certain. I see a man in an oxcart called the Observations Upon The Prophecies Of Daniel, and he offers me a ride, but to get into the oxcart would mean to travel faster than The First Principle, and possibly lose her forever, if I have not lost her already. I refuse the ride. Years pass, and you life grows more complicated; I begin to carry a shell of filth and sticks upon my back, am repeatedly warned that the moon creeps from the sky at night to feast on those without proper homes, I am followed by three children who claim to possess a grinder-box which destroys mystery. I continue walking. Intricately-wrapped gifts line the sides of the road, but I pay no attention. I am certain The First Principle will return to me. When I wake, I am in the middle of an argument.

Eighteen minutes she’d been yelling at me, and all I could do was stare, through her conclusion to the silence which followed, hung there between us, waiting for a reply, but I didn’t have anything so say, I’d said everything I had to say, and eventually she turned and left. I couldn’t care less, I was happy to have her gone, but her toes had recently been offering me secretive advice both relationshipial and otherwise, and I was in dire need of guidance as to the walking dream, which offered me no rest and no peace.

The last thing I remember The First Principle telling me was “There is no around. There is only through.”
(12:09.05.19.2005) [/alpha] #