Thu, 19 May 2005

Owen: Golf
Owen was sitting on the axe-modified couch, drinking cough syrup and wondering at his life’s smaller failings, when The Channel Channel informed him of a show he’d never heard of was soon starting on The Conglomerate Channel called, cryptically, Senior Golf [sic]. The Conglomerate Channel was the same channel Sebastian Hex was on, which led Owen to assume this mysterious Senior Golf aforementioned in the title was some sort of undercover detective, perhaps a spin-off character from an episode he hadn’t seen — or maybe seen and just not noticed, so undercover was this character! This Hispanic crimefighter who could disguise himself as anyone, anyone at all, infiltrating any organization or event in order to bring the villains to justice. “No one is above the law of Senior Golf!” Owen mumbled, grinning, waiting impatiently for the District Seven Sub-annex Extreme Horseshoe Quarter-finals to wrap up (Clete Tango, as always, had the whole thing in his back pocket; the long and sordid history of graft and corruption the District Seven Extreme Horseshoe division had become notorious for made the televised broadcast more a collective last known photo gallery than any sort of sporting event), wondering if he’d have time to call Jackson, resident expert on all things Hex-related, in order to get the scoop on this Golf character. Fortunately horseshoes was called on account of a bomb threat, cutting right into the first act of Senior Golf, which meant Owen had to guess at the missed introductory material — apparently the Senior was on the third green at St. Charles, disguised as one of the forty-eight golfers — or was he a caddy? Or was he a spectator? There was no way to tell at this point, the ingeniousness of the Senior’s disguise being undetectable. Owen instead looked for the ne’er-do-well who would be slowly pulled into the binding web of justice. With all the special guest stars, adding immensely to the feeling of realism which made the show so riveting (how could you not truly in your heart believe this man was out balancing the scale of justice?) the potential suspect could be anyone…but what is the crime? Will one of the pros end up face-down in a water hazard on the back nine? So far the only crimes committed have been those of good taste (one of the golfers has been kneeling and praying to one of the new gods before each drive) and diplomacy (one of the announcers has refereed to Latvian phenom B. Iarkho as being Estonian), neither of which need the Senior’s help. But are these clues, Owen wondered? Is there a subtle message being sent to the attentive viewer? Prayer…Latvia…Owen searched the crowd for Catholic dignitaries, and sure enough found a very casual-looking Cardinal Beseniata, flanked by equally casual-looking bodyguards, standing just behind the top at the seventh hole. One of the golf pros was going to kill the Cardinal! The leader had just played through the fifth hole, leaving precious little time for the Senior to act before the terminus had been reached. But who, and how?
(12:09.05.19.2005) [/alpha/owenrissa] #