Thu, 19 May 2005

You Hav Never Been Pretty
After I get done puking on your lawn and having your mom come out and I take off running but fall down and your mom helps me up and wipes the puke off my mouth and asks me what I’m doing and I think maybe I’ll break down and start crying and tell her the entire story but refuse and say it’s okay and I was just looking for you and wanted to say hey though I know it’s like super-late and everything and I’m gonna walk home and just leave the car here for the night and I promise to pick it up tomorrow if it’s okay with her and she says “oh heck yeah, you’re in no condition to drive anyplace anyway” and I thank her and she tells me to keep the towel and I puke up a little more clumpy potato puke on my t-shirt and it hits me that I done really fucked up this time, the last fucking thing I’ll do is howl, howl like an animal because I want you to know I’m here and it’s not like I got any dignity left to lose anyway so why not, I guess.

Dave’s talking about how this is the first drugs he’s done since college, he went through this weird faux-adult straightedge phase for a while which I guess makes sense because with Seth begin all weirded out and all, and me being not as weirded out as Seth but still kinda weird I guess, I can see how that’d make a person do some pharmaceutical reconsideration, but so he just got back from his four-year bit in the service (where apparently he did enough drugs to kill a small village, but I guess what the fuck else you gonna do on a fucking boat for six months at a time) and so we got out the fresh needles and went to town. So later we went and sat at the Amphouse and watched people for a while and Dave talked about old times, but I kept thinking about something you told me — “It’s not your job to make me happy.” — and I kept turning that sentence over in my head like I was looking for the place to put the batteries in, like I was looking for the switch to open it. I was half-tempted to try to explain this to Dave, but maybe it was better at this point to just shut up about it. Somewhere in there we started thinking we looked awful conspicuous sitting there and not drinking so we split a pitcher and tried to get the folky couple playing acoustic guitars on the “stage” area of the floor to play holiday in Cambodia. Three pitchers later Dave got lost in the bathroom and puked on the floor and decided it was time for us to leave, which we eventually did, keeping ourselves vertical by balancing ourselves on the bar and the people standing by the bar and making a mad dash from the end of the bar the entire five feet to the doorway, which was quite an accomplishment. Cocky from out success with traversing the bar floor, we stumbled to my car and made it all the way along the river back to Waterloo before I realized what a screwy idea my driving was and I looked for a place to park, curiously enough right in front of your house.

Someday you’re gonna look back on this and laugh.
(12:11.05.19.2005) [/alpha] #