Thu, 19 May 2005

Revisitation Three: The Exploding Girl
(original version by my esteemed colleague kyra)

“Okay, you need to just settle down, you’re overexcited. Start at the beginning.”

“She FUCKING EXPLODED! Jesus Creeping Christ, Rissa!”

“So, so wait, so you mean to tell me you’re just out there doing your Sensitive Macho routine and she just blew up!”

“That’s *exactly* what I mean to tell you. What the *fuck*, man? What the *fuck*?”

“So she exploded like a baby in the microwave, you’re trying to tell me? Like you’re slathered in innards?”

“First off this is no time to be flippant. I called you for help. If help is not forthcoming I will pursue other avenues of helpdom.”

“Fine fine fine. But it does beg the question.”

“And second, no, she didn’t go all Troma on us or anything. It was like there was this massive bright white light and she was gone.”

“So more Akira, then.”

“Precisely.”

“So explain to me what brought you to this point.”

“So I’m just minding my own business.”

“Owen, never in your life have you ever just been minding your own business. You’re a goddamn walking liability.”

“See, that’s what was so weird about it, because I actually was minding my own business, so I shoulda known something really serious was about to happen, because I got all jittery for not acting a fool all day, so the bus pulls up and allofasudden, just wham, I heard this voice in my head.”

“We have a rule about listening to the voices in our heads, don’t we?”

“Yes. But this voice was really only one word.”

“It wasn’t ‘kill’, was it?”

“Good lord no!”

“What was it, then?”

“Sup-a-flyyyyyy.”

“Superfly. That’s what the voice in your head said.”

“No no no. Sup-a-fly. Like Curtis would say it.”

“The voice in your head is Curtis Mayfield.”

“Yeah! And like I’m not gonna listen to Curtis Mayfield!”

“So what did you do?”

“I turned around to the woman behind me, did a little dance, and said ‘Ladies first, because I am a feminist gentleman, baby!’”

“Oh you did not.”

“So she laughs and gets on and I give her a little ‘Ow!’ as she climbs up the steps. Like a James Brown thing.”

“Just stop it.”

“And suddenly I realize what I just did and I get to feeling *really* conspicuous and I can’t get on the bus now because everybody’s looking at me so I head down to the bus station down by the river and play pinball until my ears stop burning.”

“Can you snap this story up a bit? I haven’t done any saving the universe yet today, and you’ve obviously gotten nothing productive done.”

“So I see the bus woman later, and we get to talking, and it turns out she used to know Ana from a long time ago, and we go get all freaked out on pixie-stix and we end up walking out on the tracks back by the small forest and so I think to myself ‘What would Curtis do?’, so we started smooching and — ”

“Okay, you’re going to have to stop now, because I so don’t want to hear about it.”

“No, but then, okay she fainted.”

“Well well well, let’s hear it for Tom Jones.”

“So I’m kinda freaking out a little, right? Because it’s like she started to, I dunno, almost *glow*…”

“You really do think a lot of yourself, y’know.”

“No! I’m not even being like that! I’m just saying!”

“Fine, whatever, so how is it she exploded?”

“So I’m talking to her, pulling the leaves from her hair, and we talk some, and then she put my hand on her chest and then it was like being in another place but also there still. Maybe. I’m still pretty confused.”

“And that was it?”

“That’s the story, true as anything.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“Do?”

“Well, consider this. You, brother Owen, you’re a mess, and here you’ve got this excellent girl you actually totally hit it off with and then she disappears into the light. That’s gotta, y’know, *mean* something.”

“No! It’s just a freak accident resulting from all that jumping out of the car I did last summer!”

“Foolishness! You, for reasons completely beyond me, you’ve been Visited.”

“Like a blessing?”

“I’d say. And those aren’t the sort of things which last.”

“So she’s gone.”

“I dunno. Maybe. Maybe not. She’s certainly not here, and that’s the key-point. I think you should consider yourself lucky, keep your eyes peeled, and lay off the sugar.”

“Well of course I’m lucky! I’m Owen! My lifestyle would kill an army of vat-bred supermen!”

“No, I’m meaning — ”

“Saved only by my inability to recognize oncoming catastrophe and lightning!”

“You need to pay — ”

“Fueled on an endless supply of cornball situations and misunderstood metaphysical dilemmas! So what are you saying?”

“Nothing, Owen. Nevermind. Let’s go see what’s happening at the temple.”
(12:11.05.19.2005) [/alpha/revisitations] #