Thu, 19 May 2005

YM
Your momma’s so unpleasant that she makes people uncomfortable when she’s around.

Your momma’s so average that sometimes it makes her cry, when she’s alone, that resigned sound in the voice of her parents the last time she saw them alive, the ache in them, the quiet space in them she had always wanted to fill with pride.

Your momma’s so filled with shame as to her lack of steady income that she uses coupons, but can’t look the cashier in the eye, and just sets them in a pile next to the cash register while she stares at the skin where her wedding ring used to be.

Your momma’s so fat that when she takes you and your sister to the pool, she waits in the car, and you feel sad but you don’t know why.

Your momma’s so old she doesn’t remember you when you visit her in the home. So you never visit her in the home.

Your momma’s so old she dropped her change in the parking lot and tried to pick it up, and couldn’t, and waited for someone to help her, but nobody would look at her, they just pretended she wasn’t there.

Your momma’s so tired of being alive that she spends days staring at the ceiling, at her hands, at the patch in the lawn where grass won’t grow, and you’ve learned she won’t make you dinner then, won’t unclog the toilet, so you keep your mouth shut and eat potato chips in your room.

Your momma’s so sad she’ll come into your room at five in the morning on a school day to tell you how sorry she is she’s such a bad mother, she had some bad days there and it’s been hard but she’s gonna make it all up to you now, she’s met this new guy and he’s really nice and a really good lay, and she’s sure he’ll be good to you and your sister, and everything’s gonna change, and then she can’t stop crying and aches to breathe and you have to sit up and hold her until she falls asleep at the end of your bed.

Your momma’s so crazy every time you hear the phone ring you’re certain it’s her, or someone calling to tell you to pick her up from some bar or jail, and you feel this dread you can’t shake, but what can you do.

She’s your momma.
(12:12.05.19.2005) [/alpha] #