Thu, 19 May 2005

what about joan?
My email gets pretty seriously filtered before it hits my inbox. Most obvious spam gets deleted via Bayesian and content filters, but there’s a gray area of stuff that’s probably spam but maybe not, and that gets sent to my WHOZITZ directory, which gets deleted every Wednesday morning. When I’m bored, I poke around in that directory to see if there’s anything of interest, and today I found obvious spam entitled JOAN LOST HER CLOTHES!. Now I should have known better, but my sympathy had been triggered — it’s a bad hang, losing your clothes, but the upside is it’s an ideal opportunity to show off ingenuity and dignity, and so now I was curious. How did Joan deal with this crazy situation? Did she make surrogate clothes from newspaper and plastic bags? Did she bushwack some nutrient-deprived supernodel and steal her clothes? Did she bypass the situation entirely and confidently walk around without clothes, leading passerby to assume some sort of reality-prank tv show is in progress? I followed the horribly ugly URL and came to the expected peeping thomas-style website, filled with (blocked) popups, but no news on Joan. Damn you peddlers of quasi-pornography, what about Joan? Is there an address where I can send her some of my clothes? In a snit, I called Cecelia, and she agreed that Joan deserved a proper outfit no matter how she solved her nudtastic conundrum, and admittedly was a little bit aroused by this Joan character wandering around without a stitch on. “We could give Joan clothing and make her be our friend!” Cecelia giddily stated. “Yes! Joan will teach us MacGyveresque methods of dealing with the loss of clothing, and we will be well-prepared for the next time we accidentally go to All-Nude Roller Disco and misplace our locker key,” I said, calmer but still pretty jazzed. “Yes! But how will we get past these shady internet characters?” “We will use the internet to fight the internet!” And so we would like to put the word out: If you have seen a naked or recently naked individual responding to the name Joan, and if she looks pretty crafty and clever, please tell her that Ana and Cecelia have clothing and alcohol for her just as soon as she can manage to drop us a line. Thank you.
(12:14.05.19.2005) [/ana] #