Thu, 19 May 2005

twentyone sad thoughts
(but then again, every thought is sad if you look at it right)

  1. Everyone you love is going to die, and you’re not going to be ready when it happens, because you cannot be ready, there is no ready.
  2. Somewhere out there someone is in love with you and could make you happy for the rest of your life and you will never know who that person is.
  3. The times when you were being most honest were the times your friends thought you were being polite, saying what they wanted to hear, saying nothing at all.
  4. Your enemies will outlive you, and tarnish your name.
  5. With the slightest effort at the right time you could have been such a better person.
  6. The thing you said and thought nothing about cut someone who once loved you so deep that they never really recovered.
  7. They only slept with you because they were sad for you, and afraid of what you might do if you spent another year alone, but the taste of that kindness turned to ash in the mouth while you were on top of them, sour and shivering as you tried to come.
  8. All of the things which went unsaid should never have gone unsaid.
  9. Someone you love is ashamed of what you’ve become.
  10. Someone you love grows tired and dead inside when they hear your voice.
  11. Everyone knows your secrets.
  12. You will never know the sacrifices other people made for your happiness.
  13. The way you sometimes think you can still see bruises around her eye and jaw.
  14. A little bit of a tiny little body you thought you saw just before you left for the hospital.
  15. The most disgusting thing you ever thought about while masturbating. Not the thing you would tell friends some late night after too many drinks, the thing which was vaguely nasty, but the real thing, the horrible thing.
  16. The night you saw a missing child and didn’t even notice.
  17. The night he tried to call you and you didn’t answer, and all the things you could have told him.
  18. It isn’t you who takes care of your kids, its your kids who take care of you, stroking your hair as you cry.
  19. The percentage of your love which is actually habit, or novelty, or exhaustion.
  20. Everyone knows your weakness.
  21. You might just as well vanish.


(12:23.05.19.2005) [/scrytch] #