Thu, 19 May 2005

infant hands
My brother drove over earlier tonight, telling me Pamela Bambelam called him up in tears and demanded to speak to me. I used to leech off my brother’s cellphone, and currently have no phone, as my brother moved out a couple months back, and I told Pamela I would be out of touch for a while, and probably said some bullshit about how I had to get my head together or how this bird will never change or whatever stupid shit I was saying back then in my old life. Pamela, of course, was having none of it, and because my brother is a saint of infinite patience I got to talk to her for a while. The first couple minutes of conversation was moslty an incoherent sniffling cloud, but eventually the topic showed itself as the transitory nature of happiness, or even the smallest sort of satisfaction, which is a common topic for her and I, and I had no real answer, so I told her one of my kinda madeup stories about how happiness is always having schemes to work on, such as right now at work there’s a rubber cross-section of a pregnant sow, maybe the size of a large cat, sitting in one of the classrooms where I’m currently working as a paid thug. I told her that I have named this plastic pig Courtney Love, and every night I steal one of Courtney Love’s plastic organs, and eventually the whole of the sow will be mine. “I took it one piece at a time, and it didn’t cost me a dime,” Pamela vaguely sang, no longer crying, just on the outside of laughing. I told her she used to be my scheme enabler, so it’s hard to come up with such notions on my own, but I simply fall back on what I knew she would tell me, like muscle memory, and everyting else was cake. She told me she’d imagine a tiny invisible me, skulking in the corner and not looking directly at anybody, suggesting half-mad plans, and I told her I’d keep some notecards on me and if I came up with anything I’d write it down and send it to her. Then we talked about some other stuff. Finally I got off the phone, and gave the phone back to my brother, and we watched the game until I had to go to work.
(12:24.05.19.2005) [/scrytch] #