what i’m gonna do
In my head I always associate staying home from school with taking
care of my mother, after spending hours trying to get her out of bed
because the phone has been ringing ever since she was supposed to be at
the hospital and I knew if I wanted to I could just let her sleep and run
across the field and down the street and catch the bus, but I never did,
not because I knew she would yell at me (though she would) and not because
I thought I could get her up and in the car and off to work (which never
happened, so that I knew when the phone stopped ringing that she was never
going to go back to that job, and there wouldn’t be any more money for a
while, and I might have to stay with grandma again for a month or two),
but because I was certain if my mom didn’t get up, and I left her there to
sleep through another day, that when I got home she would be dead. And
that’s why, later, after she was gone, I never skipped a day of school.
(12:26.05.19.2005) [/scrytch] #